Where I am...

I am not very happy with where I am physically. I am almost 100 lbs over weight. I weighed in yesterday at 224.3. I know it is taboo for women to share their weight, but I am doing it. I need you to know why I am desperate to change.

I don't know why I let this happen. I am unsure if it was due to my knee injury in 2006 that has left me with literally the knee of a 50 year old, or the stress of school and work, or the social enjoyment of eating out. I think it quite possibly is a combination of all three.

Despite my reserves to do this I am going to show to comparison photos.

Here is me during my freshman year of college at BYU.




Here is me now, Christmas day 2012.



Embarrassing does not begin to describe the pain I feel. I try to limit the pictures that I post on Facebook and other social media because I am embarrassed of how I look.

The question is, why not change then? Why not stop eating so much crap? This is what I have found. It is a terrible cycle. You eat because you need an escape from feeling horrible about yourself and where you are at in your life. Then you gain weight from eating and start the whole process over again. It is a terrible cycle. Just terrible. I think we all have cycles like this. We all tend to sabotage ourselves in some way. Some like me just do it more apparently.

So here is why I need to change. I can do hard things. I can change.

Resolutions

I can do hard things...
This was a challenge given to me by a loving bishop in our 5th Sunday lesson. I have decided that it is time for a change.

As I was thinking about my life and what thing I wanted to do that was hard this year. I knew what I needed to do. Go Vegan. I mean really turn the page and not look back.

This blog will now be mostly devoted to how I am making the change. I have dabbled in this lifestyle for the last year and always feel great when I do, but never seem to find the resolve to stick with it. This is where my new title comes in. I can do hard things. I will not give up. I am going vegan.

I am making it my goal to post everyday tricks, recipes, thoughts on life, struggles and triumphs through out the year of 2013. I know I am already two days behind, but this idea only came to me yesterday :).

This blog is mostly for me to keep for, well, me. I need to document my successes, frustrations and everything in between. I hope though that I will have some valuable information that may help you as you learn to do hard things also.

So here we go! Here is to a new year. Go vegan for 2013!

Funny Brother

Matthew sent this email to my Mother yesterday documenting his road trip with my dad to Canada. They are picking up a friend there and headed on to Alaska. He is such a goof! I couldn't stop laughing! Enjoy

-----Original Message-----
From: Matt Prusak [mailto:matthew.prusak@gmail.com]
Sent: Monday, July 16, 2012 2:36 PM
To: cprusak@digis.net
Subject: Day 1 and half of day 2

Alaska Travel Log

Sunday Day 1:
3:00- depart. Dad puts on radio to FM 100.3 for Sunday music. I have to bite
my tongue and not yell at him because he starts singing. It's raining like a
beast and our windshield wipers kinda suck. We just turned onto I-15 and we
can't see anything because of the rain. I say a prayer in hope that the
rain will calm. Almost immediately the rain stops. Just another moment that
strengthens my testimony of the power of prayer. Some crazy guy just cut us
off. We are listening to a guitar medley of Come Thou Fount of Every
Blessing, and I can feel the spirit so strongly.
3:06- Dad just peed his pants... Not really, the water bottle he opened
exploded all over the front of his pants! :)
5:30- lava hot springs Idaho exit. Dang sister Eifert's brownies are
amazing! We fill up with gas and use the rest room. So far so good.
6:20- Windshield wiper malfunction during rainstorm. There is a fly
constantly pestering us. Dad gives his most earnest vow that this fly will
not live to see tomorrow.
6:47- It takes real skills to eat fried chicken and potato salad while
driving.
7:07- Still hunting the demon fly.
I missed a chance to let the fly fly out of the window. Dad says it's
alright, and that death is it's only escape
7:36- fly terminated. Specimen was a worthy foe, but ultimately, resistance
was futile.
7:39- we find our attempts at termination were less than effective. The war
continues.
7:41- fly down and twitching, prognosis foretells pain and death. Fly enters
a comatose state of living.
7:44- we have found that the specimen was not alone. Another fly discovered
and we are sorely vexed.
8:08- just entered Montana and passed over the continental divide.
8:11- time of death. Partner in crime terminated.
8:19- car in front of us is illegally impeding traffic.
10:08- spectacular sunset, beautiful colors. We stopped at a rest stop just
before butte Montana for the night. I'm super excited to sleep in the van
tonight. (hopefully you caught my sarcasm). Had scriptures and prayers. We
are going to try to have a missionary experience with pete and hopefully
something will come of it. We made a goal to read our scriptures and pray
every night. Dad gave me a pair of earplugs saying "trust me, you'll
need them". maybe he snores worse than I first guessed.Tomorrow we're going
to try to make it to Claresolm Canada by noon. We will hopefully be on the
road by 6:00 AM.

Monday Day 2

6:00 AM - dad woke up and started driving. I remained asleep in the back of
the van. We crossed the Missouri river about 6 times while I was asleep.
9:30- dad gets tired so we switch driving. I drive until 11:00. I drove
through a rainstorm and that was kinda scary.
11:10- we enter Canada and learn about dry-land farming. We see a group of
Hutterites being detained at the border. We figure they were smuggling
contraband chickens. I see fields of beautiful yellow flowers. I later find
out they are called rape seed. Commonly used canola oil is produced from
rape seed.
11:36- we past the road to Cardston where a Mormon temple was build in 1911.
Mom and dad ended up getting married at this temple in 1983. It's overcast
and rainy so I can't see the mountains that dad always brags about.
Apparently the Utah Rockies are foothills compared to the Canadian Rockies.
11:41- we indulge in another one of sister Eifert's brownies and almost die
because they are so amazzzzzzing.


DARK KNIGHT=

my biggest love-hate relationship

Definition:
Thesis- (verb)the most horrible punishment known to mankind. (also see stupid graduate students for clarification)

But...I survived it! Wahoo! It was a lot of hard work boring days filled with writing and re-writing my drafts. I literally re-wrote every word in most of the document 15 different times. I think it turned out to be a great piece of work and i am excited to try and publish it in a journal.

The process is tedious (that is the understatement of the year). The thesis has to go through about 20 people to get approved with one of them being the dean of the college. I was nervous to leave my paper with him because we were told that he reads every thesis and makes sure they are to his standards.

I heard that several people get rejected at this point. Once he was done reading my thesis his secretary called me and told me it was done and that I could come pick it up from her. She sounded excited on the phone, but I didn't know what to think. I headed up to her office and she just gave me a huge smile when I walked in and said the dean finished your paper and it is ready to go onto the next step. What she said next made me so proud of all my hard work. She opened up my paper to the first page and there was a note from the dean.

She proceeded to tell me that he never leaves notes commenting on how good a paper is and that this truly was a great compliment and that I had accomplished something amazing!

Now Rodney J Brown I don't know you and would have no idea if I walked past you one day, but thank you for taking the time to read my work and make me feel accomplished!

I don't know if I am a master of anything, maybe just a master of staring at my computer for obscene amounts of time, but I do feel like for the first time in my life I am starting to understand what it means to really learn and think, not just regurgitate information then forget it all after the exam.

Now call me sick and twisted, but I truly feel that I need to go on for my PhD. My post was titled my biggest love-hate relationship. I hated the process and the hoops and the back tracking it felt like I did every other day, but I love the accomplishment and feeling that I really can think for myself.

We will see what the year brings, I will most likely apply to the U for their PhD program in athletic training starting fall 2013. That way I can still live in spanish fork and take the commuter train to school everyday. I am excited for my future and I hope to be able to teach young minds what I have learned to help further the field of athletic training.