Where I am...

I am not very happy with where I am physically. I am almost 100 lbs over weight. I weighed in yesterday at 224.3. I know it is taboo for women to share their weight, but I am doing it. I need you to know why I am desperate to change.

I don't know why I let this happen. I am unsure if it was due to my knee injury in 2006 that has left me with literally the knee of a 50 year old, or the stress of school and work, or the social enjoyment of eating out. I think it quite possibly is a combination of all three.

Despite my reserves to do this I am going to show to comparison photos.

Here is me during my freshman year of college at BYU.




Here is me now, Christmas day 2012.



Embarrassing does not begin to describe the pain I feel. I try to limit the pictures that I post on Facebook and other social media because I am embarrassed of how I look.

The question is, why not change then? Why not stop eating so much crap? This is what I have found. It is a terrible cycle. You eat because you need an escape from feeling horrible about yourself and where you are at in your life. Then you gain weight from eating and start the whole process over again. It is a terrible cycle. Just terrible. I think we all have cycles like this. We all tend to sabotage ourselves in some way. Some like me just do it more apparently.

So here is why I need to change. I can do hard things. I can change.